|Weeee Back from Fanime
||[May. 30th, 2006|07:47 pm]
Teh ok, Fanime was quite the ride. In retrospect I would even say it was really dramatic for me. Its curious that every con i've been too so far (AX, PMX, ALA, and the this one) i somehow find myself experiencing just about the entire spectrum of emotions. The feeling of finally being at "home", the most joyful and crazy moments of my life, as well as sheer and utter loss, loneliness, frustration, and pain. One single moment really kind of summed it up for me today. On the bus ride home we had to make multiple transfers, this last one was at the Los Angeles Station to Anaheim. Well somehow we find ourselves at the very end of the line, each bus can only hold like 54 people and by the time I got it the Greyhound Staff guy said "ok one more"...
Well this was a huge problem, Steph, Jen, and Chris were already in the bus, but behind me were Deb and Evan. I realized that Deb and Evan had to go first, Deb's dad would have been mad at her for being late, and Evan was already borderline late for work. So I started yelling at the bus driver to let one of them take my spot instead.
This was one of the most surreal moments i've ever had in my boring and quite life. One of those times when although time is still chugging at its usual pace in my mind ever second became three and maybe it was just by blurry glasses but things got blurrier for a bit.
I turned around to watch them go as Deb, Evan and Chris put their stuff on the bus as they began to walk up the ramp to find their chairs. Evan and Deb kindly said "see you later Vlad". I don't think no one really heard me ask, if "can one of you guys please stay with me?". I kept asking that over and over again. "Can one of you guys please stay with me? the Next bus is comming in a bit?" But i guess the Bus Engine was loud and stuff anyway. And so they just kept going.
All i could do was just look up and stare and as they dissappread into the bus. And I started to cry. The next bus would only be 20 min away. So it really wasn't a problem. Everyone would be getting home in time, i really didn't have much to do today anyway except finish FtF stuff before I left for saturday for Choir Tour.
But for sixty seconds. I really felt alone, completly and utterly alone. Not in an Emo way mind that, but in a bitter sweet way. My mission was done, Fanime was a success the hotel room worked out and it was very nice. Except for being late a few min, everyone would be home on time. The entire weekend was a ride, things happened that made me cry and skip around in joy too. Life is good. I would be comming home to a good home with eggs and milk in the fridge, and a big fluffy bed and a dumb fluffy dog.
It still hurt though. I croutched back and looked at my orange Ace Hat as i covered my face with it. I'm sure no one cared, everyone in line had their own problems too, probably worse than mine. I'm sure everyone was probably far more tired that i was. I just didn't want anyone to see me crying, becuase men don't cry its bad.
But thankfully things turned out, after that one min, the Bus Supervisor came up to me and said told me to go. At first i didn't get it, but he kept nudging me to hurry up. It turned out there were three seats left somehow. And I was able to find one in front of Evan and Deb. I never really got the chance to talk to anyone else after that. Except for a few weak good byes and and see you laters.
I came home, put my stuff in my room (i still need to sort out my bags) and laid my head on my bed and thought to myself, "my life is rich" rich in so much. Good friends, and a quite home.